To get to the point - last July when we got back from Thailand I weighed 137, and I had a goal set to get to 130 lbs. This morning I stepped on the scale....and it said 146.
Ever since the week before Christmas, I have been so loose with my eating. I've been waking up every morning with good intentions, exercising, and keeping track of my calories until right after lunch time. Then, I hit the danger zone. This happens every day.
As I've mentioned before, I stay at home and take care of a little baby boy. This means that I am home alone most of the day. Between the hours of about 2 o'clock and 5 o'clock everyday I have so much trouble staying on track. I'm ashamed to admit that I think I often eat during this time because of boredom or loneliness. I usually snack on healthy/semi healthy foods, but the calories still add up. I eat really well at meals, and if I could cut this time period out of every day I'd probably be doing just fine.
I've known for the last several weeks that I wasn't losing weight, but I think I have subconsciously been thinking that as long as I'm getting my running in, then I'd be okay. This just doesn't work for my body. I have to work out consistently AND carefully watch what I eat in order to keep my weight in check. I think my weight has just slowly crept up over the last few weeks...so slowly that I didn't really process what was happening. When I saw the 146 this morning, alarms finally went off in my head. Now, don't get me wrong...I don't make a habit of getting hung up on the numbers. And I know that body weight fluctuates from day to day, but the point is that if my weight is even in such a range that the scale would have the potential to show 146...then there is a problem. And along with that...my clothes have been feeling too snug for several weeks now. For everyone who doesn't know me, it may seem that I'm overreacting, but based on the struggles that I've had with my weight since I've been an adult, I can't take this too seriously. So, it's time to get back on track.
I told J this morning that I am surprised I've let myself go this long without getting things in order. About two years ago, I did a major overhaul on my eating lifestyle. I changed the way I viewed food to the point that I never thought I'd have a weight gain again. Since then, I've maintained that lifestyle until the last several weeks. I think I became too confident. I thought that I had won in my battle with my weight, but I'm realizing that I'm never really going to beat it. I can get better, and things can get easier, but the battle is never really going to be over. I'm going to have to keep myself in check for the rest of my life. And I can't let myself get too comfortable.
Sometimes I go through phases in which I feel so motivated to track my food and calories and to stick to my range no matter what...those phases make things so easy! I'm stuck in this rut right now where I feel no motivation. I totally feel motivated to run and keep up my marathon training, but I feel no motivation to stay under my calorie target or to keep track of everything I eat. The truth is that I'm not always going to "feel" like being disciplined with food, but I have to be regardless of my feelings. So, I'm making a commitment today. I have to be totally honest in saying that I don't feel motivated, and I don't really want to be diligent about losing weight right now, but most things worth doing don't come easy. I know I have to do it for my mental and physical health. And once I start practicing discipline in this area, I'll probably start to feel more motivated.
So, thanks for listening. I really just needed to be open about this. I knew this morning that if I just blogged about it, then I would feel more accountable to my commitment to being disciplined again. If I don't get this "on paper," then it would be too easy to just go with my feelings when 3 o'clock this afternoon hits. For me, being overweight brings on so many problems - problems with my attitude, my confidence, my love for things I enjoy etc. So I can't underestimate the seriousness of what will happen if I let my habits from the last couple of months continue.
I'm so thankful for all of you who are working on this issue, and who are so great to share encouragement and advice. It makes this area of life so much easier to deal with, knowing I'm not the only one. I'm so happy to be a part of the blog world!
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9 comments:
You can do it! We're all routing for you to stay on track :)
oh girl, WE ARE THE EXACT SAME!! For me I have to completely watch what I eat AND work out if I'm going to be successful!! When I let myself go, I really let it all go...hence the 20 lbs in 5 months. We are all hear for you!!!!
And for what it's worth, i still think you look BEAUTIFUL in all of the pictures you have posted!
Oh I feel for you! Those shock weigh ins are the worst! When ever I get into a rut I like to amke a big jug of water with lemons in it (gives water more taste) and I will try to drink that instead of snack. I also create little projects around the house to keep me busy! Good luck! we have all been there!
You can so do it! Putting stuff out there to hold myself accountable works pretty well for me, too... I hope it helped you today!
On another note, thank you so much for your prayers and for calling to check on me today. It means so much.
I love you!!! I know you can do it. :)
That is so exciting that you got a sewing machine! I love to sew things for around the house: pillows, curtains, etc. However, I do like sewing clothes, too. I made a couple of sundresses this last summer, and I am working on a tailored, wool dress right now. I'll let you know how it turns out! I can't wait to see what you make :)
I just found your blog from Mojito Maven...looks like we follow several of the same blogs! :) I am currently back on the fit train as well and have the same struggles of losing weight if I'm not eating right and exercising!
Do you have your email addy posted? {I'm a private blogger} :)
You can do it! And if avoiding those mid-day snacks is hard, set aside certain things that you will allow yourself to eat...kinda like packing a lunch...you just tell yourself "I can only eat from this pile" and then make sure the foods are things that are low in calories, but make you feel full (celery sticks, watermelon, etc.)
You can do it!! Some days are easier than others, but that is life. :)
Thank you so much for being this honest - I know it can't be easy! We're rooting for you - you're going to do fabulously this year!
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